9:46!! I should be sleeping

I picked up the big kid today

After school

And declared

It’s a yes! Day

And Oy was that dumb

I debated him

For 15 mins

In the car

On why I meant

Only half a yes! Day

Bc he wasn’t getting Nintendo

And we were going to Target

To get this special LEGO

That we ended up not getting

Because he wanted bowling pins

(Okay???! But it was actually fun.)

And then he asked

Before we left

I’d really like a snack

But maybe one you’d think

Wasn’t so good for me

Not like candy or lollipops or anything

But maybe

Just something that appeals to me

(Like chips, Ollie?? Just say it 😂)

Okay, let’s find the snack aisle

Of which we found many

None of which

Had snacks

A size for a 6 yo child

You get a pack of 10

Or a humongous bag

That should go stale

If you have the courage

To rip it from your child’s hands

(Or set boundaries—only half!

Half?! This bags enormous!!

Oh what the hell.

Not worth the back and forth.)

Anyway

We peruse the snack aisle(s)

For something that appeals

Which ends up being

Doritos or Cheetos

And I’m like

Battle or no battle, Emily

Tick tock tick tock

Quickly weighing my options

And energy levels

And I decide

Ah-ha! Let’s read this nutrition label together!

Food dyes in each.

Now, the juries out

On food dyes

But I’ve always been in the camp of

Less is more

In recipes

And ingredient labels

So I explain

It’s not healthy for children

(Oh sue me!!! Worse things have been said.)

Pick something else

Anything

Seed oil it up!

For some reason

I’m okay with that

So we land on Lays potato chips

Or Pirate’s Booty

Again

Each in a bag

The size of his torso

And he grabbed Pirates Booty

I think in a rush

To placate Morgan’s squeeeeeeeeling

Let’s go!!!!!!

And we rush out

But not before

I grabbed a bunch of shit

I didn’t need

$10 Carbone pasta sauce

A massive pack of paper towels

Toothpaste

And I don’t know what else….

I shoved it all under my arm

Along with the bowling pins

And as we left the register

I felt the Carbone marinara

Slam against a second row register

We had to dodge

(Why are there SO MANY REGISTERS in Target????! I’d pay to see the day they were all open. I think that would seriously bring me joy or satisfaction somehow.)

And Slam again!

Against the customer service pole

That demarcates where the line funnels

And hey

Third times a charm

Slammed into the automatic door

On the way out

With my big ass paper towels under my arm

With my big ass bag of bowling pins (with two bowling balls!)

And a big bag of shit I don’t need

(Well, I’ll use it, I rationalize)

While Ollie’s munching on his big bag of Pirate’s Booty (only half the bag!)

I’m pushing the baby in the carriage

Saying

Stay close to me!

Do not leave my side

In the parking lot

Look out!

It looks like that car is accelerating!

(As they wave us across the street.

I STILL CAN’T FIGURE OUT

WHAT THE HELL THOSE LINES MEAN

In the parking lot

Outside of Target—

Are they cross walks?

Or do not parks?

Or fire lanes for emergency vehicles?

What is the jumbled nonsense!!??

A stripe here and there.)

Just run!

I think.

But we walk

Back to the car

And chuck a bunch of shit

We could have lived without

Into the trunk

And I think

If only I had left him at school

For his after school club

And not said yes! Day

And spent $68 at Target

Which I would have loved to spend elsewhere

Or save

But I think we really

Made a memory

Out in the garden tonight

Bowling

(Setting up the pins every time is a b*tch)

Which turned into chuck the ball at the pins!!!!

Which I don’t know

Something about

Chucking a bowling ball

Overhead at pins

And watching them WRECK

I mean ping all over our brick walls

Our neighbors must be concerned

I was hooting and hollering

I could hear our neighbor

Swimming in his pool

And I still hollered

Set em up again Ollie!!!

Let’s keep playing peg the pins!!!

And we did

Until raindrops came

And mosquitos nibbled

Inside we went

Eventually

I got both children asleep

And

I wrote this entire post

To get to this spot

That I walked out of Ollie’s room

And down the stairs

And said

I want to make sure

I remember we said this

So here I am writing it

For posterity

Or you

Or my own recollection:

I tucked Ollie into bed

With his baby piranha sister

(Don’t ask—unless you’ve been a mom of a nursing teething baby)

And he laughed so hard

At Morgan’s shenanigans

He almost choked on his string cheese snack

That he went downstairs to get himself

And when I turned out his lights

We called each other by our code names

And said I love you

Infinite times (infinity times infinity!! Okay you win)

And I said

Chinese checkers in the morning!

And he said

Meet ya there!

And another I love you

And it was the meet ya there! that got me.

Meet ya there, Mom!

I just feel so lucky

To be able to meet him somewhere

And that he wants to meet me

And looks forward to spending time with me

I don’t know what it is

About getting older

We just

Lose that unconditional friendliness and love

That children possess

It’s really something

To be able to raise children

And be their person

I remember

When I had Ollie

My mom told me

After I was struggling with pausing my career

Emily

Being a mother is the most noble job

You could ever have

And I know I’m skipping around a lot tonight

With stories about bowling pins

And Target parking lots

And I don’t particularly love that I feel like cussing sometimes when I write - sorry

But I just want to stop

And tell myself

You’re doing a great job

And I’m so proud of you

For just following your own path

And doing what you want to do

And your own way

And please remember

To take the pasta sauce

Out of the trunk

In the morning

Because I’m worried

When you forgot the bag in the back tonight

It’s cracked

And leaked

$10 marinara

That you didn’t really need

But rationalized that

Maybe you did. Xx