A Bow Head Heehaw
Things that happen when I bark
This is what happens
when you bark
ruff ruff
“orders”
or more like loud
slow
english
like an idiot
at your angelic housekeeper.
“Noooooooo washing my jeans today.
Nooooooooo washing our bedsheets.
Just make beds.
Just clean house.
Simple today.”
And I SWEAR the dialogue in my head is:
Simple?! Bitch what?!
This house
looks like
a poorly organized
yard sale!
What am I even saying?
I feel obligated to fill the air
with words we both may know.
Or say,
hmmm how do you translate this word….
I want to throw a book at my head!!!
And you know what I get for being dumb? This!
I put Morgan’s bow in my hair as a placeholder while I changed her and accidentally left it in for half a day as I had “very serious” conversations with said housekeeper about dirty diapers, opportunistic husbands that come hug the baby and give them back and get all the credit from said baby, and how Morgan bit my nipple and growled “Daddaaaaa” the day before. I proudly reenacted the last part (with my baby’s bow in hair) in case my english was off.
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT SHE MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING WATCHING ME CHARADE MY WAY THROUGH BITING MY NIPPLE AND GROWLING DADAAAAA WITH A PURPLE BABY BOW IN MY HAIR?!!!
I’m not sure which part of what she understood, but I think enough to go home and turn it into the world’s best and worst dinner table story. Heehaw!