Before I Get to Heaven

I need more tick marks in the good column

I had a nightmare

and woke up feeling…

haunted.

So I thought I’d share

because what happened next

is really quite

a miracle.

I texted my gf—

my. favorite idiot

(she’s actually pretty smart)—

and told her about my nightmare.

She said

that the best way

the very best way

to release

or protect yourself

against dark forces

or nightmares

or evil

is

to be of service to others.

So that night

while I lay in bed

I prayed to God

Please, God,

illuminate a path

for me

to be of service to others

a tool on Earth

of your love

and generosity.

I felt my entire body

purify

with the request.

I felt light enter my body

and goodness.

In the morning

I woke

and immediately

had clarity.

A dear friend of mine

was in

a terrible situation.

She had told me so

several days before

that a car

totaled her parked car

while she was teaching

her kindergarten class.

When I woke

in the morning

after my prayer

energy was pouring

from my body

and I had clarity.

I thought of a way

to help her.

Because prayer

helped me sift

through the noise

of life

I saw that

God had illuminated

my path of service.

I sent a message

you can read it here

to fourty+ or so angels

(and some of you reading!)

who have been touched

by this Earth Angel

at our school

and together

with all of our small

generosities combined

we changed the entire course

of our friend’s life

(we raised

enough money

for her

to buy

a new car.)

Now,

I’m no angel

(though I strive!)

I still curse

when the housekeeper

slams the washing machine door

while the baby sleeps

(come on, Emily!)

and say “Jesus”

when I step

on a misplaced block.

I grind my teeth

when my husband

wants to shower

during the baby’s naptime

(she sleeps in our room).

I avoid Girl Scouts selling cookies,

and I’ve even promised one

my husband was coming out the door behind me

“He’ll buy a bunch! Don’t worry!”

When I need an extra set of hands,

I say Where’s my damn husband

in my head more often than…anyone

and I often stand up when I eat.

But sometimes

I’m good for something

and I need

more tick marks

in my “good” column

before I get to Heaven.