Finding My Voice in the Noise

And a mishmash of my life of late

When I open up Instagram, everybody’s talking to me about something. I scroll through, observing with the volume off, watching many of my friends and their lives, along with targeted marketing and videos, move through my phone’s screen. I think, this feels a lot like the sci-fi movies I watched as a child.

Several months ago, I caught myself scrolling through the app—usually wishing one of two things, or sometimes both at the same time: That I had the willpower to close it, and that I invested more time on my platform to take steps toward a potentially fulfilling career goal (outside of motherhood). Cooking, sharing recipes, and talking about travel, culture, style, and motherhood all sound fun and fulfilling to me—but the demands of setting up an in-home studio every time I want to shoot or film something brings so much displeasure (and I’d rather be working on cooking, writing, or traveling).

While I thought about how much Instagram reminded me of the sci-fi movies of yore, I looked down from the chair I was sitting in and watched our son building a tower with blocks on the floor. I held down the Instagram icon on my phone with my finger for a few seconds, and pressed delete.

Since then, I download the app back on my phone only as wanted, and it has worked out decently for me. I’ve found myself in less rabbit holes, and I’ve also found that the lack of noise and opinions from others has helped me get clear on my own opinions and how I want to be creative. I especially find it interesting how helpful it has been for my total well-being to turn off the content around well-being, particularly as it relates to food shaming, habits we must do, or super food ingredient promoting, etc.

The firehose of personal opinions—the ones I’m not even looking for (10 Items on Amazon You Never Knew You Needed For Your Baby!)—and random videos I don’t care about but can’t stop watching chip away at my unique personal beliefs, my wants and desires, and my one limited resource—time. And I’m not giving those up for something that’s not worth it to me.

While I still open up the app now from time to time and enjoy watching the targeted tennis training videos, I also feel immediate pressure. Pressure to keep up my engagement. Pressure to respond to everyone since my last venture into the socialsphere. Pressure to post the right photos, links, please my followers, etc.

Yesterday, I squeeked out one last reply to a “follower” so she didn’t feel slighted after seeing that I read her message. I’d hate for her to feel that way. I wrote back while trying to placate my son begging me for help with his Lego instruction, “just give me one minute, please.” In that moment, I was reminded why I deeply dislike the distraction and required multitasking aspects of social media. Ignoring my son’s request for help while I responded to someone I’ve never met (but am friendly with on social) was a searing reminder to me of why I delete the app from time to time in the first place.

But, I do love sharing and talking with you all, especially when I can sit down, undistracted, and write it all out once, here on Substack. So I am sharing a mishmash of my life recently, below—hopefully you find something you love. Do try the simple bread pudding recipe (the cinnamon raisin addition is a must).

Recipes

Andrew Sullivan for The New York Times

This Simple Bread Pudding recipe deserves its own post it’s so good. I made two for Easter. One with challah, Guittard 70% chocolate disks thrown in it, and sprinkled in unsweetened Guittard Coco Rouge powder (to give it a babka look). I made another bread pudding with brioche bread, cinnamon, and raisins thrown in it. The verdict is out on which was better—both were smack-the-table phenomenal.

I made these bread puddings a day or two in advance, froze them, and heated them up in the oven the day of Easter brunch. This recipe is an EASY way to host for a large party and brunch.

I paired the puddings with this Buttery Breakfast Casserole dish, also made in advance. I undercooked it just slightly before I froze it, so when I reheated it to serve on Easter morning, it was bubbling hot. (This recipe is also smack-the-table good.)

Andrew Scrivani for The New York Times

Interior

I’ve been waiting for these sconces in distressed bronze to go on sale—they’re the spitting image of my favorite Rose Uniacke sconces, but 1/3 of the price. I had them installed in our master bedroom, flanking our fireplace, the way Rose did:

Kids

No teeth lost yet, but we’re ready with this adorable Tooth Fairy Door Hanging Cushion. The site offers other cute styles as well.

I love an easy, classic boy style and recently invested in these Classic Cloud Cadets shorts and the Le Club short style—both in navy/navy and khaki. They are so thin and soft, wrinkle resistant, and ready for summer. The inner waistband is terry and ridiculously soft. I want a pair.

For me, it makes sense having (and taking good care of) a small bunch of these shorts that I love, than having a million and one shorts I kind of like. I like less but better. That’s my philosophy.

Ollie also wore these Cadets x Prince Court Shorts (in white) to tennis over spring break and all the adults on the court were hollering “Indian Wells in 18 years!” and “dressed for success!” I live for the outfits. Don’t ever say a boy can’t have the cutest outfits.

Style

Loving this Doen dress and pattern. Maybe it’s the maternity vibes I’m giving off, but anything in a Liberty print catches my eye. It’s delicate, flirty, feminine, and comfortable.

I bought two of these Frank and Eileen Rory Maxi Shirtdresses (in classic linen, Blue // and lived-in linen, Blue Stripe). I bought them oversized so they accommodate my 37 week belly bump, and plan to wear them postpartum for easy nursing, running errands around town this summer, and as classic beach coverups.

Exercise

I have been using the Time Under Tension app for morning mat pilates at home. I love how many classes Kelly Cole (mom of two and the coach) offers on the app—she has an extensive prenatal class catalog. I love supporting her, not just because she’s a talented pilates coach, but also because she’s a small business—it’s just her running the show. I love the hustle, and even the baby cameos that make their way, unapologetically, into her videos on occasion.

Read

I thoroughly enjoyed (and LOL’d) listening to Matthew McConnaughy read his book, Greenlights on audiobook. I liked it so much, I listened to it twice. (Thanks to dear friend, talented photographer, and subscriber, Mika Street, for the recommendation.)

Party Idea

I’ve been planning a “Becoming a Big Brother” party for Ollie since the new year. I let Ollie pick the theme (he chose “Petting Zoo”), and we invited his cousins and Matt’s side of the family down to celebrate with us—14 people, several days, many meals, and lots of memories. I think it took all of us a week to recover from the festivities.

We rented a petting zoo and invited in two “mini” alpacas (each 145 pounds), a baby goat, and some baby bunnies to our garden for a few hours to let the kids play with them. It took some effort to keep the alpacas from eating my budding hydrangeas, but we did it! (The goat did eat both of my gardenias.)

The event coincided with Easter, so I made the bread pudding and buttery casserole dishes, laid out pastry and bagel platters, made Easter baskets for all the kids, had egg hunts x 1,000, ordered a massive Dylan’s Candy Bar Candy Cake Tower and cotton candy cake, had biodegradable confetti shooters…we pulled out all the stops to celebrate the big brother to be. From my POV, the party was a total success, totally over-the-top, and totally fun to plan.

*I receive commission for some of the products linked. I only link to products and recipes I love and use.