Influenced by an influencer

Screenshot from today—again being influenced to buy a sandal for summer. Just in case you were wondering what my camera archive looks like.

I don’t know how I’m going to do this

but somehow

I’m going to connect

Henna on my Eyebrows

To me having my son watch TV

Solely in French

Both of which

Were massive failures

Let me start

By saying

And influencing you

To never

Ever

Be influenced

By an influencer

To dye your own eyebrows

With henna

Which I did

After watching

A very very pretty model

Dye her eyebrows

On an Instagram video

So I bought the product she used

And decided

Hey!

Let’s record this

For my Instagram

(This was like

5 years ago)

So off I go

Painting my eyebrows

Which she says

In her tutorial

Don’t worry, just go crazy!

So I slop it on to my eyebrows

And it looks like

Well

Brown slop

In no particular artful shape

Just plops of henna

And I thought

Well

If I color outside of the lines

Of my brows

I may pick up those faint little eyebrow hairs

That could use tinting

To even out

My overwaxed

asymmetrical brows

(Which the early 2000s

Are responsible for)

Sloppy slop slop I paint

A little more

(Remember Matt has already offered up that I have a heavy hand)

And I set a timer for

I don’t know

Ten minutes?

And over the course of the ten minutes

I start to wonder

Huh, maybe this is going to be my new thing!

Fresh brows out of the comfort of my home!

I started editing video for my IG reel

For sure this is going to take off!

And bing bing!

Ten minutes was up

I started wiping the henna off my brows

And

Staring in the bathroom mirror

I realized

I was

The worlds biggest idiot

Because henna

Also dies your skin.

Now

I have looked

And looked

And looked

For videos or photos

To share with you

(I must have deleted all evidence!

Sadly!!!)

My jaw was on the bathroom sink

When I realized

Not only

Could I not get the henna off

But it would be there

For a week+

All I could think about was henna hand art

And what I had just done to my face.

I scrubbed my face

Like Cinderella

Raw!!

And still

I had massive shadows of brown

Painted all over the top of my face.

I thought

Well

Maybe you guys could use a little humor tonight!

It’s been on my mind

And I can’t stop laughing about it

When I remember

How dumb it was

When I was influenced by an influencer

To paint my eyebrows with henna.

I laughed again today

When Ollie jumped in front of the TV

And clicked on whatever show he was watching

And I had a flashback

To the time

I was influenced

To mandated that all TV

Must be watched in French

Or Mandarin

(I first lobbied for no TVs in the house for a year

but was outvoted)

And really

The funniest part

About it

Is not just the strict mandate on my 4 year old (at the time)

But

Matt

Telling everyone

Emily runs this place (okay he says bitch) like West Point

And I howl

Because he’s right

I’d love to say more

Like

That lasted a week!

But the funniest part

Is the fact

That I thought

I could teach my child

French or mandarin

By watching tv

When he’d sit there

And say

I have no idea what they’re saying mom!!!

I’m just watching the pictures

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

To which I’d delight

That maybe

Just maybe

My fallback plan

Of no TVs

Just might work in this house

(If we lived in a cave)

But I digress

Like I said before

I thought

Maybe you guys could use a little humor tonight!

My girlfriend said she was missing some of my funny stories

So I thought

I’d share them with you!q