Week two and week three in Switzerland were a whirlwind of highs, lows, and average human days.
The highs? Gstaad. A secret pregnancy.
The lows? A miscarriage. Hospital.
The average human days? Summer camp for Ollie, dinners at home, a broken toe that keeps getting stepped on.
It feels like the last week has been all about the miscarriage and not at all. We have still done so much, even with the huge void from the loss. I have grieved on the bathroom floor, laid in bed for days, and wept in the hospital during ultrasounds. And I have also packed summer camp backpacks, assisted in making Lego cities, and went for pizza and ice cream (and laughed with a friend! I couldn’t believe it.). It’s amazing how grief, joy, and normalcy co-exist. Still, it was anguishing. And I feel grateful I’m through most of the medical part—with the help of my husband, my dear friend Ashley in Switzerland, and the remarkable medical team at Maternité Chuv. Merci beaucoup. 🙏
The experience of miscarriage—and in another country—has allowed me the chance to tie another knot into the fabric of womanhood. A womanhood that crosses oceans and cultures and binds us all through lived experience. Being on the other side of this experience, I can say I am so glad that I am in a place like Switzerland, with phenomenal healthcare.
I thought I’d keep this experience private, but it feels right to me to just say it as it is. I’m not ashamed, and I don’t feel it’s any different than discussing any of the other experiences in life. In my own way, I’m proud to say I’ve busted my chin risking for something we deeply want. (Still, it hurts.) As Ollie reminded me the other morning, “Every boo boo heals.” ❤️
I wanted to share this and contribute in my own way to the conversation of normalising a miscarriage experience, which happens so often (20% of pregnancies), and to so many of us. Matt and I are private people so I won’t be writing a memoir or longer post about this experience. It’s something that’s sacred and personal to us and we want to keep it that way. I appreciate you all sending us love. 👍
I feel so lucky to have one healthy child. So, here’s to trying again. “Trying is the best part,” as Matt likes to remind me. 🙄
Additionally, and because life goes on whether we want to press pause or not, I am sharing my travel itinerary and culture takeaways from these past two weeks in Gstaad, Lausanne, and Alsace, France.
Gstaad
We took the ritzy new Shania Twain Goldenpass train from Lausanne to Gstaad for a weekend getaway, not knowing it would register as the most beautiful place we’ve ever been. The mountains and rolling verdant Swiss hills are dotted with stunning Swiss chalets lined with bright flowers. We stayed at a luxury resort, The Alpina Gstaad, for our 10 year anniversary, and it blew us away with the thoughtfulness and craft that went into the design and making the guests comfortable. The art in the hotel is worthy of a modern museum—an incredible mix. The hotel was also extremely kid friendly, as our entire Swiss experience has been. (France is a different story.) Ollie even got a pair of the coziest wool slippers as a mini VIP guest here. So luxe and welcoming.
From Gstaad, we took a half day trip to Wispile. We took the funicular in the early morning up to the top of the highest mountain in the region. The summit boasts a “petting zoo,” but beware of the electric fences surrounding the animals to pet. I made Matt test the string fence before we reached over it to touch the Falabella horses and sure enough they were electric.🤣
The summit at Wispile has breathtaking views of Gstaad below—and a swing on the playground that feels like you’re flying off the mountainside. On top of the mountain is an incredible, sustainable playground made for courageous junior mountaineers. There’s also a restaurant, which is a perfect place for a morning hot cocoa or mint tea while you collect the views or watch the kids climb around the playground—offered in both indoor and outdoor spaces. After we warmed up with a hot drink, we took a short hike up to the very top of the mountain, and ended up chasing Ollie—who had decided to turn the hike into a sprint—who ended up almost a quarter of the way back down the other side of the mountain before Matt caught him. I have never seen Matt run so fast up and back down a mountain in my life. I chose the prayer route.
We wanted to head to another summit the following day and hike around Lake Lauenen, but it was misting and cold so we chose to chill in the hotel and utilise the amenities like the salt room, incredible spa, and indoor pool before heading back to Lausanne for the week. I wish we had spent 3-4 days+ in Gstaad!
Lausanne
After Gstaad, we headed back to Lausanne for a week of swim camp on Lake Geneva for Ollie. The weather dropped from 90 F to 60-65 F this week and rained most days. I thought, surely, no parent would drop their child off at camp for outdoor swim, but we went to drop off just in case. To my shock, all of the kids were there in great spirits and ready to go. My dear girlfriend and Swiss host, Ashley, said it’s very Swiss for the kids to be tough and have a neutral or positive attitude about weather and activity. No child was whining about being cold, which rubbed off on Ollie. He quickly adopted the Swiss mentality and is now running head first into the lake on the coldest days, earning the name Iceman Ollie. (I have noted some neat cultural takeaways from the swim camp experience below.)
Alsace, France
The following weekend, we drove from Lausanne to Colmar, a town in the Alsace region of France (bordering Germany and Switzerland). It was a different vibe than what we’ve been experiencing on our Swiss trip so far with mountains and lakes. The region of Alsace has a “Little Venice” in Colmar (where we stayed at L’esquisse Hotel and Spa), beautifully restored historic properties from the Renaissance period, pretzels!, choucroute (sauerkraut and sausage), hundreds of castles, and is the area where Beauty and the Beast and Le Petit Prince drew its inspiration.
There are several towns in this region where you can see actual landmarks from the movie Beauty and the Beast—where Belle gets her bread, the clock tower, and Le Petit Delice. We took a half day trip to see some of these sites in the town of Requewihr. It was a cold and windy day, so we decided one town was Beauty and the Beast enough for us. We also visited a butterfly garden nearby, which was dismal (maybe it was the weather) compared to my favorite gardens at Fairchild Botanical Garden in Miami, FL and in Key West, FL.
We also took a half day trip to see La Montagne des Singes (Mountain of Monkeys) where we could visit “free range” monkeys on the top of the mountain. They would almost walk over your feet, and some were larger than Ollie. It was interesting to see them up close, look them in the eye, and watch how similar they are to us, especially watching them eat their fruit for breakfast. After the monkey visit, we took a short drive to La Volerie des Aigles - a rare eagle and bird aviary housed in the ruins of a gorgeous castle. We got a chance to see eagles flying free around the castle and valley below, which I felt lucky to see. The last time I saw a free flying bald eagle was on a whitewater rafting trip down the Payette River.
As promised, here are my cultural and travel takeaways from the last two weeks:
At summer camp
Kids don’t have all the pressure to excel so young. Instead, the culture enables children’s independence. For example, all children walk to public school at age 4-5. By being independent, the kids seem to excel much faster, naturally and easier, without force or over scheduling. An interesting fact is that all public schools need to be within walking distance of the home. Every week, a mom from the community is in charge of the pedibus to walk with the local little children to school. Kids usually come home for 1-2 hours for lunch. The snack at camp or school, if it is shared, is usually a platter of cut up fruit, with some bread, and maybe a chocolate somedays. The kids take what they want. I imagine this sharing of food to enhance the well-being of the group, like Dr. Ayelet Fishbach spoke about in my podcast episode, “Improving Social Well-Being for Children by Sharing Meals.” The Swiss are cautious and thorough with food allergies.
Children’s bodies are not over sexualised. They change out in the open, boys and girls together. The first day, Ollie asked for a private locker room to change in, and noticed no other boys or girls went to change with him. The next day, he adopted the Swiss mentality and changed with the group. It makes my heart happy to know he’s learning to be comfortable with his body and doesn’t have to cover it up or be so aware of it. He can just be a kid.
Swiss kids are the definition of tough. The kids camp swam outdoors on days it was 60-65 F, rainy with lots of wind. I swore they would cancel swim camp one day it was so rainy and cold. We showed up anyway and everyone was there, laughing and making a joke about the sun not coming out. Matt and I were the very worried Americans debating if we should torture our child like the rest of the Swiss parents. Cold just doesn’t seem to be a thing here, and it certainly doesn’t stop anyone from going out. Now, we call Ollie the “Iceman.” He can tolerate the coldest waters and it doesn’t phase him at all! I love that about this culture. The weather has zero impact on their physical activity and mental happiness. I think this is because the culture as a whole is so active, they have acitivty for all weather types.
On food
I have seen no signs of women or men obsessed with “healthy food,” or having the perfect body in the way American women think about those things. Here, healthy food is…well, actually it’s weird to even say “healthy” food. They say things like, I want a big salad. Or they will think about using herbs, teas, and spices—and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). They don’t necessarily throw a bunch of powders into a smoothie unless they’re suggested by a health practitioner. But they may have a simple fruit smoothie—with no added “superfood” powders or nut butters.
Carbohydrates are a staple. Potatoes and bread (and sandwiches) are life here. If someone doesn’t eat bread because it upsets their stomach, they still eat plenty of carbohydrates. The all-or-nothing American carbohydrate mentality has not tainted their carby wisdom here. Phew! There is nothing I enjoy more than a true jambon sandwich (not like the ham in the US!) and a toasted, seedy, crunchy sandwich bread. Oh my heavens.
They use very little nut butters here. Most sandwiches are savoury with sliced meat, mayonnaise, lettuce, mozzarella… Kids eat nuts, or nuts in chocolate or candy, but very little nut butters. WAY less than the states. They don’t even have nut butters at hotel breakfasts—though you’ll always find Nutella.
Women and Work
In America, I could see a lot of women getting their feathers in a ruffle over the familial expectations of Swiss women, especially with the buzz in the US around Fair Play Life by Eve Rodsky. Living in Switzerland for a month though, I see the obvious way that being a mom and full time caregiver for the family just works. It doesn’t mean the women aren’t professionals, doctors (all of my maternity doctors were women and some moms), or can’t work outside of the home. Lots of women work in their own ways—but it is very normal for a woman to make the family her priority. To me, it doesn’t feel like a put down. It simply feels very Swiss—maybe antiquated, but I enjoy working during the hours my child is at school, and hanging up my jacket when it’s time to go home and be with my family. (There is no 24-7 work expectation—in fact, it’s frowned upon.)
Culture
The Swiss force a month long vacation. No one is overworked. Stores close at 6 PM or 18:00. People are required to stop working. On weekends, most families leave to a weekend chalet in the mountains to ski, hike, swim, and be leisurely with family and friends. The lifestyle and way of living is way more co-mingled with friendships than in the US.
The culture is extremely active. When I was having my miscarriage, it was a suggestion from a Swiss friend that I walk to the hospital, 15 minutes away (uphill) as a calming practice. Sorry, I have to laugh, coming from a culture of strip malls with acre large parking lots and tall garages where we look for the closest spot to park in.
Speaking of parking, there is almost none. It’s rare and usually only a necessity like an office or residential parking spot. You’ll find it at parks and some tourist locations. Most people walk or take public transport, bike or scooter. The trains, boats, buses, and metro all run on time, to a T.
People run on time. No one is ever late. Even summer camp has a pick up policy that goes something like this: “The doors will be locked until 12 noon, at which we will unlock the doors and you may collect your child.” This means the doors close again at 12:03 when all of the good-byes are had and the child has been “collected” by the parent. I LOVE being on time and trusting a system that schedules so promptly, so this is a huge pleasure of mine.
Everyone is forced to save for retirement. Everyone is over insured. Everything is sparkling clean. They clean the streets daily—you could eat off the streets!
Everyone separates all of their own trash. Compost, plastic (taken to store for recycling), glass, paper. Even at the beach and roadway rest stops, there are six large bins where each piece of trash has a home. I love this.
All cows are free range. No one mows the lawn. People use cattle to eat the tall grass. Wow. What a concept.
Drugs are legal here. The police will even test your drugs anonymously to make sure they are safe to take. There are even designated “shoot up” areas where it’s “safe” to shoot up. This seems unusual coming from our anti drug rhetoric in the US. But it seems to actually keep dangerous drug use down (?) by taking away the power and secrecy (making sure it’s safe to take) and making it out in the open in designated areas.
Fun fact
You cannot find Swiss cheese in Switzerland. But you can find emmentaler, gruyere, raclette, and just about every other cheese…which made me wonder, is Swiss cheese junk cheese? It’s not..but it’s not Swiss. The holes aren’t made from little mice as my mom shared when I was little, but from the gas caused by bacteria fermenting within the cheese. There ya go.
Next week we’re off to Chamonix, Lauterbrunnen (we think), and Lucerne!