Three butts in two seats

The man that said "no"

It started with a wet wipe

thrown across the aisle

at the guy who wouldn’t give up his seat

so Matt could sit with us

bc Matt had a middle seat in front of us.

Now a wipe pouch gets flung at big bro

“Momo you always poke me in the eye”

Says Ollie

then flung again across the row.

I can’t control my loud obnoxious uproarious Emily laugh

I’m waiting for my daughter to throw another wipe on the guy at the end of the row

who wouldn’t give up his seat

so Matt could sit with

the mom with two children.

(I felt so bad for how hard Jesus was judging him - I felt like cringing my eyes and mouth as if someone got hurt)

Oh this was such an easy one for him! He’s really going to have to make good with his Creator —and for an aisle seat, next to us!

Maybe that’s his punishment!

I’m sure it is as another wet wipe

lands on his forearm.

(Bad mom!)

I’m delirious

and nothing has ever been so funny

(And rude, Emily!!!)

I’m crying laughing

like a five-year-old child.

I had to take one of those

stupid emotive selfies

to show you

just how weak I was

unable to stop the wipe flinger

bc the other option would be

holding a wild tuna.

I’ve never been able to control my laughter

in high school

in sports

anywhere with rules and formality

(Ugh, I wish!!!!)

and especially on an airplane

next to a guy

who responded to Matt’s

“Would you be interested in switching seats?”

with “No.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nothing could be funnier than this trip

with three butts in two seats.

Ollie asks Morgan

“Please stop, Momo.”

And I echo

“Ollie’s asking you to stop, Momo.”

And I crack up even more

because Ive just asked my 10 month old

to stop throwing wipes

when diaper is the closest word she knows.

….And the process of trying to control

my annoying laughter

begins again.

I’m HOWLING

and Matt’s sitting in front of us with his head in his hands

trying to control his tears

(Remember the “I’m with stupid” apparel line?)

all I can think of

is penance for this guy

some would say karma

and in some cases

this one especially

it’s really really funny

bc no one got hurt

or hurt that bad.

The baby only “blinded” her brother

with the corner of a wipe pack

and wiped down a man

with thrown wet wipes

across the row.

I may joke and kvetch

“we should have a private jet, honey,”

but this….

three butts in two seats

is priceless.

…

I need to mention

this man had protein farts

and slept through the most offensive ones!

…

Oh, here we are.

Back to the land of brown!

Brown trees

brown bricks

brown river

where winter inspiration is found

not in nature

or palm trees

or colorful fish

or warm pools

or the feeling of sunbathing

or a cold beer

on the dock

as the sun sets

watching countless catches

on the fishing pole of a six-year-old

with mosquito bite welts down his legs

and a bloody nose

dripping all the way down his shirt

and when he finally notices

he says, “just put a tissue on it

I’ve almost caught this fish.”

(The same boy that

can be taken down

with a stubbed toe

when he’s angry

that “it’s bedtime already”)…

…But in a row

on a plane

full of people

who think they’re leaving those things behind

But, no!

….

I notice the man’s hand trembling

sitting next to Ollie

and look at Ollie

with another gushing bloody nose.

I give him the paper towel

I wrapped my toasted Ezekiel English muffin in

which I called lunch

and he pinched his nose.

We landed

(Thank you God!)

and the seatbelt sign went off

I’ve never seen anyone in the fifth row

jump up out of their seat

and get to the front exit faster

than the man that said “No”

…

In the words of Matt:

“Well, at least I offered.”