What has happened to me?
What if
I tucked into bed
With nothing to say
(I wish!!!! I had to include these awful notes they were kicking around my head all day—hey there, home sick with two sick kids!— and I needed to get them out!)
About today’s curiosities
Like a random flashback….
Buying $150 sneakers when I was young and we had juuuuuust enough money (what was I thinking?!?) I recently bought my son a new pair of sneakers over $100. His old sneakers were run to shreds and I thought, well maybe if he had new(er) sneakers he’ll have a better shot at meeting friends in summer camp while we’re traveling. And I thought to myself, oh Emily, you’re so lame. But also, maybe right? Kids can be brutal (I hate this saying but it’s not a lie) and I’d sacrifice a lot more to give my son the best chance at a good (this is stretching it) summer camp experience. Omg I just had the stupidest visual sending him to school in new shoes daily. Feels like a curb your enthusiasm episode. I mean duh, he’d kill me but it would be hilarious sitcom for a desperate carpool mom character.
And musings from…
A group text with my gfs from college. The convo started as a “hey old friends! business connection” and then they were off to the races speaking levels above my ditty pay grade. Different types of fashion events for different things in different cities and ex wives of race car drivers with pool houses that look like stores make great hosts for events…. And I thought oh my gosh!!!!! I should be jealous?!? Why am I not?!? I’m so glad I don’t have a pool house and have to host women for a fashion event. But I was shook that reading their texts back and forth felt like a foreign language to me. I had to slow down and piece together what they were saying. Fifteen to twenty years ago, I would have understood, I think. If you don’t use it you lose it!! But man, sometimes most of the time I’m so glad I’ve “lost it” and dropped off the radar blip bleep blop there she goes and no one knows where I’ve gone, even I wonder sometimes, like waking up frantic from a dream (for me: about forgetting to put the baby back in her crib)…should I make myself found again?! But it’s a lovely low stress surprise everyday to wake up to a version of myself that’s even more parsed down. Dress in a uniform. Buy what I need. Spend on experiences and travel (and picture frames!! I know it’s weird but I do love a tidy frame!!). My eyes are wide open to art and I feel things deeper and my friendships are real like go pee while I’m on the phone friendships (without a thought of stage freight). I can’t put my finger on why I’m this way now—and quite happy! But this convo made me pause and reflect on chapters of my life that I’ve closed out. It makes me feel like life is moving too quickly, but I’m also glad and grateful to be where I’m at.
I should really tuck in now. Good night.